Thin

I persuade my husband to eat all his breakfast this morning. I bought a package for body nutrition and almost exploding because his deny. Every morning he look like child , walk around the room and look for paper I don’t know while I walk to take plate of food to feed him.

          “ You are very thin, honey”

          “At least I am still handsome”

The words that he always say, it isn”t rational but happiness there is. Actually our happiness always meet obstacle just because he is very thin. His mother doesn’t like if her son, the greatest, the most succesfull, even doesn’t have body more than his cousin as seller. I always explain what he work more than what he study during the day of university. I am still remember when hug his body, at starting of our marriage. He look like hard thing with no fat, he have been thin since and even in his childhood house.  His mother always take so many food and make sure that I touch nothing for it. The most disguting after all that I start to feel curiosity he attrack with other woman. In 38 years old, my body is over 75 kg while my husband is 50 kg. In fact, it is no reason, in this house I am grinder machine, all food provided to my husband and because his deny I always spend it – two son stay at boarding house. I have still skin white, but my husband must buy the one, Jumbo bed for two. Lately, he often go home late. He have just got new secretary , and still  young and sexy. He often hide messages in hanphone. He also doesn’s reject when I prepare many food to him. He smile to me and kiss me. This is not like usual, the feelings I make to worry him. He is studyholic. Since in university, he doesn’t have relationship with girls too much. Even after knows me only six months, he directly marry me. Sometimes I want to be like him, he love science and philoshop very much. As far as I know that her mind is always full think and spend along his days to enjoy study, like something is delicious.  

          “Why do you like study honey? And even possible more than how you love me?”

          “It’s good, isn’t it? It make you more saved”

          “But it make me like elephant because spent your food, while you are still thin, and more thin. Am I should be like Aristoteles, and just make you attrack me”

          “Calm down, baby. Study make me better and wise in managing our family, especially man sex”

Our last talk last night actually doesn’t make me better along this day. I forced my self to eat nothing because this afraid make my body seem more explode. At 7.00 pm, at anniversary of our marriage, he is late. Late for over two hours with no messages. I found me inside soul that fill evil by damaging things in my house and cry out every second. I imagined time where I am still sexy, before he doesn’t love study much, and it means I don’t spend his food yet. I closed all house door and isolate self inside room. I cry out, out, out and realize that have just been victim love’s man . yah. I am sure he have been go away and choose her woman. Actually my afraid is real, no man around the world reject beautifull woman. Human that is called beautifull woman every second, every minutes always be threat for women like me, ugly or over heavy or short or anything called unperfect body. You don’t ever know what oh man’s mind when meet sexy woman, how far his reason, it can give more explaining that they want to get it.  Someone under hear to enter room. I feel it is my husband and get ready to claw him. He turn on room light and I see him bringing big flower, so many chocolates, fat milk and his favourite book.

          “I want to buy this book, and make guilty for my self because I almost forget our anniversary. I wait for 5 hours and make sure that I must be fat like you as punishment to let you alone in special night”